Dark Thoughts – The Gutting Knife

The seething anger for the sleeping blob had hit a boiling point today. It was nothing he did, or for that matter did not do. Simply he existed. Worse still, I lived with him. The sound emanating from his body could easily have been and entire forest being cut with a noisy gas powered chair saw. Occasionally it would sputter like an uneven piston engine when it hasn’t been tuned for a while. It would even stall, and I would hope, wish, every time that it would not start up again. Then there would be silence. Then I could sleep too.

Dark Thoughts – Long slow ride to hatred

Eventually I would have to take action, just not now. As much as I wanted him out of my life, to kill him stood morally against everything I believed in. This was the worst of what he did to me. It was not just sabotaging my jobs so I was unable to go out and work, and have a life. It was not just that he would go as far as setting fire to all my shoes and hiding the car keys from me so I could not have a social life. As hard as all of that was I could take it in stride because I knew someday I would be rid of him.

Dark Thoughts – Please don’t ask…

“Why do you stay?” My daughter looked at me, gently touching the bruises on my jaw. I had no answer for her. None. None that I could share with her, because it would cause me to examine some very, very painful history. It was more bearable to bury all of that.

Dark Thoughts – Chocolate Cake and Hold the Arsenic

“Have another.” He leaned back and gratefully sipped his favourite beer. His contented piggy eyes looked me up and down. I cringed and took a full step back. Damn. The wooden chair groaned from all the weight put against the already straining frame. I had to think quickly.

Dark Thoughts – Getting shrunk…

A few years ago I had gone to see a psychiatrist. I had been getting into arguments more than usual and was paying for it by using tattoo make-up almost daily to cover bruises on my neck and face. the full hand print around the neck was especially difficult and painful to cover daily. some days I just would not be able to outside at all. So I had run the problems over and over in my mind and figured the only way to deal with this situation was to numb myself and just go about my days as a zombie and just hope that God would be kind enough to have my husband die first while I still had some years of active living left in me.